i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
