When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
