he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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