Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
pray to the hookup gods
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
