I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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