We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
