she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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