anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
