Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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