How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
