He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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