Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
