he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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