I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
