The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it was like eating out sand paper
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
