Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
