you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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