Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
