clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
