i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
