We won't sleep together?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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