OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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