The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
