here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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