I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
