Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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