My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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