Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
