Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
