i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
