Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
