Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
