Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
