by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
