The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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