I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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