it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
