I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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