Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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