my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
