How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
