dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
