I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
