Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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