Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
