you guys were way drunker than both of me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
