I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
