apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
