i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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