chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
