he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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