Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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