my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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