Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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