Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
