Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
