sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Fuck appropriateness.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
