He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
