I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
