so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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