if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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