yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
