I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
