how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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