I want to have your abortion
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
