I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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