Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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