Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
