Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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